Kirarin☆Land. (Fucking gag☆me…)

Mkay, I’ll pick at the cover image a bit first- Since dressing like an old lady is lately so big. (And the second one, I am 100% sure I have seen in my local Burdines/Macy’s. The other night, even. In the old ladie’s department. Mhm.)
I have nothing more to say about the cover. (But I think it surpasses each one of the linked comparison. XD)

Also, before I begin, keep in mind I am grading by what I consider the Koha Scale, Which when rated by any other artist, a 4/10 for them would be a 4/5 for her, because it’s common knowledge she just isn’t up there on the singing scale, or the cute scale (anymore), and she’s just plain flashy, overdone and obnoxious. Forgiveness we shall bear, just for Kussun. ♥

So, here we go, my review on this album, since it’s relatively new and I just got my hands on the songs.

1. Happy☆彡 Rock on. This chick’s voice seriously grates on me, but that’s a given. For Koharu, this isn’t terrible, at least she tries here. A happy, peppy song, can’t complain too much, the bridge is pretty good, up until the end– The pace suddenly changes, it’s bothersome. 3/5.

2. Chance! Cha-Cha Chance~! Latest single, in which Koharu disguises herself as a bleeding piano and a Snubble. It’s not too different from Happy, a bit faster tempo, But the feel is pretty similar. One more single like those two will get redundant. 3/5

3. Olala Mid-tempo song, begins with some annoying talking (in French, whoa!) in random tones Kussun uses to try to sound cute.  (And damn, this girl tries too hard. But it’s expected, because again, it’s Koharu.) The chorus has an AWESOME melody. Catchy and not bothersome at all. Ola~lala O la~lala La la Oh lala~ lala~ Very good how it changes pitch, and then transitions into a much cuter, well-pulled off melody to compliment. Koharu’s voice seems to belong in this song, unlike most where she strains to hit the notes that don’t match her range at all. 5/5

4. Himawari A pop-rock song that SCREAMS Ootsuka Ai (PEACH, Mousou Chop, PonPon, figure around those lines. And, I’d MUCH rather hear Aichin singing- and screaming! to this song over Kussun anyday. ANY DAY.) The chorus is bouncy and cute, and while it does and doesn’t sound like something Tsunku would even write, it seems to fit in the Kirarin Revolution ‘genre’ (at this point) without fitting the perfect mold too much. This song isn’t too bad. I’d just like to hear someone else sing it. 5/5- Only because it’s Kussun, vocals excused.

5. Konnichi-Pa! OH MY GOD GET IT OUT. Koharu’s voice is particularly AWFUL in this song. It seems so homemade, like a funniest drunken home videos thing. All you really need are lederhosen, lots of beer, a HORRIBLE accordion background, and crap, I was going to compare the voice to a strangled animal, but I can’t think of an animal that sounds QUITE THIS BAD right now. Seriously. At 1:50, it seems after a hard night of drinking with her yodeling buddies at the town pub, she fastens her primarily green and red plaid suspenders, unties her prized goat from the lamppost, and stumbles home intoxicated in the snow, beat drunk. I am not kidding. I am not exaggerating. (Well, maybe a little.) I never want to hear this again, my head hurts. This isn’t cute, this isn’t happy, this isn’t fun enough to be considered silly- This song is good pretty much ONLY as a background track for some freak wota porn, fantasizing about Kussun falling slowly to the date rape drug or something. 0/5. Nuthin’. NOTHING. This song makes me want to pull my hair out.

6. Very! Berry! Strawberry! Another Kirarin song. This means happy pop song with medium to faster tempo, slight rock flavor in the background, and heck, another song I could see Ootsuka pulling off WELL. (Wow, that girl is a miracle. Unlike the original artist, now that I think about it, haha.) The instrumental gets annoying, and it has that redundant KiraRevo feel, which I suppose one could argue that it IS a KiraRevo song. And to that I ask you, since it’s an anime about a girl and her music career, why must the general whole of the music involved be flat, redundant mid-tempo happier sounding songs with pretty much the same computer-generated instruments each time? Balalaika broke the mold, Balalaika is a 6/5 going by the Koha scale. This one, 2/5. I’m bored.

7. Hana wo Pu~n Long have I dreaded the day I’d pass judgment upon this infernal song. =[ I’d much rather have just ignored it forever~~ Well, that’s an exaggeration, but since I’m not fond of Hagiwara Mai, either- She’s always struck me as a bitchy little shit with a bughead and a mediocre voice, especially lately since she’s cusping upon puberty- This song doesn’t hold terribly much interest or liking for me. However, what I DO like is that this song breaks from the norm of KiraRevo, just a bit. Sure, the typical elements are present, but it’s another ‘grab your lederhosen’ number, yet not NEARLY as brain-grating as Konnichi-Pa. (Holy crap, not at all. And no drunk yodelers this time, or out of control accordions.) Not to mention how WEIRD this song is- Snub your nose! The song alone is crazy enough, not to mention the PV- This song makes me wonder exactly what kind of drugs Tsunku does. It’s weird. Not my taste in weird, but it serves it’s purpose and breaks from the norm. 4/5

8. Koi no Mahou wa Habibi no Bi! A poorly pulled off Happy Summer Wedding, not nearly Happy enough, unfitting of its original single. The vocals slow down and speed up often, the melody changes too drastically, the Mediterranean feel is much too forced, and I don’t like it much. 1.5/5, ’cause I’m nice. (And, you know, by the Koha scale.)

9. Futari wa NS Ah, I remember this one, the double Aside to the Hana wo Pu~n that serves as a quieter and much nicer ballad to compliment the insanity of its other side. Koharu and Mai harmonize well here, sound well together here, I have no issue with this song, aside from the chorus’ beat, which I feel distracts from the fact that it is a ballad. But, it’s nice. It’s soft, sweet, and the girls sound decent together. 5/5 but don’t expect any Grammys.

10. Ramutara. Ramuta~rantantan. Crap, this song is weird. Demented zombie parade led by Zombie Empress Koharu. Horrifying. 1/5.

11. Shiawase Clover For the last track of the CD, it better be good, right? This track doesn’t disappoint as far a the Koha scale, this song has a very soft rock feel while still maintaining for itself a spot in the pop genre. Think of this as a poppier DAI (sniffle ;O;) song of a much lower grade, but with a sudden drastic and awful change in the melody and arranged for someone with a range broader than Koha’s. But the song itself, it’s okay. Not bad. 3/5, if not for that horrible raise and drop of pitch, it would’ve been higher.

There you have it. Overall: 2.618181818181818~~~~~2. Err. 3. I really wouldn’t recommend this album to anyone, except maybe the Olala track and MAYBE Himawari, to compare to Aichin. Not too fond of it, but listen at your own leisure. (As for me, bedtime. My head hurts.)

Tags: , モーニング娘。, jpop, Kirarin Revolution, Kusumi Koharu, Morning Musume, 久住小春